How Birth By Sleep should have ended
by The Masked Wanderer
Summary: hated how tragic the endings of Terra, Ven and Aqua were? Wanted things to end differently? Fans of my previous parody endings for KH games? Well, look no further: have the endings you really wanted, or the ones you never thought were possible.
1. Terra

How Birth By Sleep Should Have Ended

Disclaimer: I do not own the Five Dimensions. You'll understand what I mean in a moment

**Terra:**

Master Xehanort breathed heavily. He kneeled on the ground, beaten and weary, unable to move a muscle. All he could do was watch helplessly and clutch his Keyblade as Terra slowly started walking towards him.

All of a sudden, they heard a loud noise behind them that sounded like an explosion. It was so powerful that it shook both Terra and Xehanort, and for a moment, there was a flash of blinding light. Master Xehanort gasped when he saw was in front of him.

"There, you see?" He pointed at Terra. Confused, the young Keyblade Master looked to where Xehanort was pointing and widened his eyes at what he saw. "The X-Blade has been forged!"

Terra raised an eyebrow, for he had clearly seen something different. "Um, about that-"

"And now, Terra, it is time for the final union!" Picking up his Keyblade, the elderly Keyblade Master stabbed himself in the heart, much to the shock of Terra.

"What?"

"At last our moment is here." At once, a red, glowing orb emerged from Xehanort's chest and rose up in the sky. As it hovered over him, he started moving his arms wildly, like a mad man. "Out with the old, brittle vessel, and in with a younger, stronger new one!"

Terra could only gape in horror as Xehanort's heart kept rising high in the skies, descending over him like a giant dragon ready to swallow his body whole. No pun intended.

"I swore I would survive, and be there to see what awaited beyond the Keyblade War! And now, it is your darkness, that shall be the ark that sustains me!" And with those final words, the dying man used the last of his strength to hurl the heart towards Terra, his new vessel.

Terra was about to reach for his armor, but at that moment, he paused. For a split second, he remembered all of his life teachings from Master Eraqus, and one conversation came up to mind..

_Flashback_

_A five-year-old Terra was sitting in Eraqus's office, while the latter was sitting on his desk, eating raw salami on a stick. _

"_Um, Master, why are you eating raw salami on a stick?"_

"_Terra, I need to tell you something. But first…I need to show you something." And with that, Eraqus turned to face his pupil, who was shocked to discover what had happened to his face. Huge scars were penetrating his skin and they were covered in fresh bandages; indeed, these injuries had only been acquired recently._

_Terra gasped. "Master!" He put his hand on his face. "Who did this to you?"_

"_Never mind that, my son. Just answer me this…" Lowering his voice, he began. "What if I told you that if someday, a perverted old man would try to possess your heart through a convoluted plan that involved sabotaging the Mark of Mastery Exam, making you do terrible deeds, and manipulating his own pupil. What would you think of that?"_

_Terra widened his eyes in shock, then started laughing hard. "Ha! Like that would ever happen."_

_Half-smiling, the teacher nodded. "Good. It won't. But if by some chance it does succeed, and he corners you in some isolated place far from Aqua or Ventus, I want you run away. Don't do anything stupid; don't fight back, don't summon your armor to protect yourself when in fact it really won't. Just run away like a stupid idiot, flailing your arms like those weird floating men they show on those commercials."_

"_You mean the ones with Al Harrington?"_

"_Precisely." Eraqus nodded. "Also, try screaming like a girl. Really loudly. If that happens, your safety will be assured…"_

_End Flashback_

"Wow…I can't believe that actually happened. I just thought that was a bad dream I had…"

Thanking God that he had remembered this crucial memory, Terra finally did the one thing he had never done his entire life by actually listening to something his Master had told him to do:

Run away like a crazy idiot.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screaming at the top of his lungs, Terra ran as fast as his strong legs would carry him. Eventually, he was running on the edges of the cliff, Xehanort's heart following him to no end.

"What?" The disappearing Xehanort bellowed. His body was still crumbling, but his will was strong enough to keep him around until he was sure that his plan succeeded. "How is he doing that? AFTER HIM, HEART!" He moved his finger to point at the heart, increasing its speed tremendously.

"You'll never catch me alive, you ugly floating ball of mass that sustains life!" Terra started screaming even louder, so loud that his voice was now comparable to that of Aqua when she found a spider in the bathroom while she was taking a shower; that is, it broke the fourth wall and the five dimensions.

_Elsewhere_

"Exodia, obliterate!" Just as Exodia was about to vanquish Kaiba's Life Points, Yugi heard a shrill sound in the air, that sounded like a naked girl in the shower screaming.

"Huh, what the heck is that?" Yugi paused for a moment to hone in on the noise, when he noticed that his Exodia cards were gone.

"WHAT? WHO COULD HAVE-" It was then he noticed that Weevil had stolen his Exodia cards from under his nose.

"Heh heh heh, say goodbye to Exodia and your grandfather's life, Yugi! Because of that convenient and seemingly out-of-place turn of events, I can attack you with my Blue-Eyes White Dragons and win the Duel!

With no cards to fuel it, Exodia disappeared, and Yugi was subsequently blasted by three White Lightning attacks. His last words before falling unconscious to the ground were "Oh SHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT!"

_Also elsewhere_

Super Saiyan Goku was thrashing Frieza with all his might. The poor galactic overlord could take no more, but his pride refused to let him give up.

"It's over Frieza, take a piece of my Kamehame-" All of a sudden, he heard a strange noise that came out of nowhere, that sounded like a girl screaming in a shower.

"What? Where's that noise coming from?" He reverted to his normal form and honed into the noise.

Seeing his moment of opportunity, Frieza chuckled. "Farewell, Super Saiyan! Watch what happens when you mess with the most powerful being in the universe!"

With that, he shot a Death Beam in the Saiyan's heart. Gasping, Goku felt all of the life drain out of his body. Within five seconds, he exploded. Frieza started laughing whole-heartedly. "HAHAHA! Finally! The Saiyan race is gone for good!"

"Not so fast, Frieza!" Gohan emerged out of nowhere. "You still have me to-"

But he was killed with a Death Beam before he could finish his sentence, also exploding as his father did.

And so ended the life of Goku, the first and last Super Saiyan…

_Elsewhere, once more_

Light Yagami saw the black notebook lying in the grass. Bending down, he started to pick it up, when all of a sudden:

"Huh? Where's that noise coming from?" Out of nowhere, Light heard a voice coming from the sky. It sounded like a girl screaming in the shower.

Suddenly, the sky became black, and clounds loomed over the school. At once, a bolt of lightning emerged from the sky and destroyed the notebook immediately.

Then it started to rain heavily. Muttering angrily, Light cursed as he rushed inside for his umbrella. "Damn it! Where's the stupid umbrella when you need it?"

_Elsewhere, for the final time_

In a world where everyone was a ninja, a nine-tailed fox was attacking everyone. It all seemed hopeless; the Fourth Hokage could only watch helplessly as millions of his villagers were slaughtered.

The Nine-Tales closed in on Minato, about to deliver the finishing strike, when all of a sudden…

"GYAHHH!: The Nine-Tales used two of its tails to cover its ears. "That noise! That annoying noise! Couldn't you tell your wife to calm down when going in labor?"

"That's not my wife, you idiot! That's just some random girl singing in the shower, or something!" Minato yelled. Realizing that this was his golden opportunity, he prepared his final attack.

"RESENGAN!" Releasing his Resengan, he attacked for the face of the Nine-Tales, which was weakened tremendously.

Upon impact, the head of the Nine-Tales exploded instantly, and its body fell uselessly to the ground. Sighing, the Fourth Hokage sank to the ground; the village was safe from harm, and everyone could live in peace. Best of all, he didn't have to resort to his ultimate plan of sealing the beast within his son, costing both him and his wife's lives, causing him to feel rejected for most of his life, and save him years of wasted self-loathing and a life of assholish behavior and mutual disrespect of other people.

Yup, everything was perfect in the Village Hidden in the Leaves. No one would be miserable ever again. _Except the Uchiha clan_, he thought to himself.

_Here, in the present setting._

"GYAHHHH! Turn it off, turn it off!" Xehanort grabbed his ears in frustration. But the noise was still there.

Getting desperate, he resorted to more drastic measures. Pulling off his coat, which had not started to disappear, he wrapped it around his head, hoping the leather would muffle out the sound.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" The loud, girlish yell of Terra could still be heard clearly.

"NOOOO! I can't take it anymore!" Putting an end to his suffering, Xehanort jabbed his fist into the place where his heart used to be. At once, the elderly Keyblade master died, leaving behind no traces of him whatsoever.

However, the heart still kept following him around the giant rock. Finally running out of energy with all that running and screaming, Terra sank to the ground, exhausted. The heart was closing in on him, preparing to capture him forever. "No…" The weakened Keyblader called out in vain. "Don't let it end like this…"

But then, something amazing happened. The heart stopped in one place. It started to expand at an alarming rate, until it got so big that it couldn't grow anymore.

And then it exploded. Just like that. The heart was consumed in a fiery explosion that blinded Terra with a flashing light. When the light subsided, Terra looked up in the sky. Kingdom Hearts was still up in the sky, shining down on him.

Happy, Terra laid back and let Kingdom Hearts bask him with light, ridding away all the darkness in his heart for good. Now he could rest in peace, knowing full well that everything was as it should be. There were no bad reprocussions from his actions whatsoever.

Everything was perfect. Everything was peaceful. Everything was…birth by sleep.

(At the cost of 4 of the 5 dimensions.)

**End of Terra's story**


	2. Ventus

How Birth By Sleep Should Have Ended

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts whatsoever.

**Ventus:**

"How 'bout you leave the popsicle with me so you can have your little fight with Terra."

Aqua turned her head around to see Braig smirking at them. Still holding the frozen Ventus in her arms, the female Keyblade Master glared at the evil man.

Looking up at Kingdom Hearts, Braig continued. "You can't be too happy about him deep-sixing your Master." Looking back at the Keybladers, he chuckled.

"Who are you?" Aqua asked.

At first, Braig did not respond. All he did was glare at them with his golden eyes.

"You two think you have some grand role to play?" Braig sarcastically asked. "As if! You two are only here so that when I finish you off, Terra will succumb to the darkness."

Glaring at Ventus, he smiled wickedly. "So, who wants to go first?"

"SHUT UP!" The still frozen Ventus managed to yell.

"Oh, so this kiddo thinks he's a full-fledged-"

SLASH!

But Braig could continue no further. For at that very moment, without warning, he had been sliced clean in half. Within seconds, his body was lying on the floor, cut into two clean, fresh pieces. There was no blood or mess whatsoever, and Braig looked like he hadn't even noticed what had happened. It was as if he had been struck down by the hammer of God.

Or, it seemed, the anti-God.

When Aqua and Ventus looked to see who his murderer was, it couldn't have been more shocking.

"JEFF BRIDGES?" Both Aqua and Ven cried out at the same time.

Sure enough, there was the Hollywood Titan in the living flesh, holding a giant chainsaw in his left hand and a blue energy disk in the other. He was dressed in a blue-colored cybernetic jumpsuit, and his face had a gray, scruffy beard on it. Walking towards the Keybladers, Jeff opened his mouth to speak.

"Thank goodness for that. That guy wouldn't shut up; you'd think he was from DBZ or something…"

"DBZ?" Ven raised an eyebrow, which was weird considering his entire face was encased in ice. "What's that?"

"Hmm?" Jeff was shocked, though he didn't act as if he was. "Really? You've never heard of Dragon Ball Z?"

Ven shook his head, once again ignoring the fact that he was frozen solid.

Honestly speaking, one would find it weird that the developers of Kingdom Hearts did not account for continuity errors when designing their games. Then again, in a company that makes games about teenagers who have nothing better to do than fight magical creatures with mysterious weapons that come out of nowhere without any background story, did it even truly matter?

"It's one of the greatest shows in the world. Everyone who's even been a kid has seen it! It's got all these fighting scenes, like that one where Goku literally blows Cell's entire upper body-"

"Wait, you've seen Dragon Ball Z?" Aqua asked.

Jeff shook his head. "Well, no, not exactly. My grandkids love it, though, and they tell me all about it."

Aqua smiled and nodded. "Oh…." Then she frowned and looked up. "Wait a minute! You don't have any grandkids!"

"That's beside the point, little missy." Jeff interrupted. "What's more important is that you take your friend and leave this world, before something else goes wrong!"

"Right!" Aqua got up and started to carry Ven off the battlefield…

"Wait!" Ven stopped her before she could go any further. "There are just some things that don't make any sense."

Ven turned his head to face Jeff, since Aqua's back was now facing Jeff. "How is it that you were able to cut that guy in half without any blood or organs coming out of his body?"

Jeff shrugged. "I guess I'm just lucky is all!"

"And how is it that a CHAINSAW is able to cut a guy cleanly in half in a STRAIGHT LINE when everyone knows that chainsaws have JAGGED edges?"

This made Jeff sweat a little. "Um, I don't-"

"And why would you even you a chainsaw to begin with, when you clearly had an ENERGY DISK in your other hand that you could have used at any time?"

Jeff started to panic, his knees starting to shake. "Listen to me, you little-"

"But most importantly, why the hell would you journey all this way from the real world to our world just to kill some random bad guy in a VIDEO GAME in the first place?"

"Heh heh heh…so you got it all figured out. Ven, you little idiot."

Aqua gasped, and her eyes widened. Right there, in front of them, stood Vanitas.

"Vanitas?" Aqua managed to spit out of her mouth.

"Enough chit chat. Hand over the kid." The masked boy outstretched his free hand to the trembling girl.

"Do what he says, Aqua…" Jeff Bridges walked closer to Aqua. "I love cheese fries and watching Pokémon in 3D!"

"No! Stay back! Both of you!" Aqua sank to her knees and started to cry. As the tears kept flowing, she clutched on to Ven as hard as she could. Of course, if Aqua had a brain, she would have realized that Ven was covered in ice, and extremely fragile at this point.

As Ven's appendages crumbled before his very eyes, the only thing going through his mind was, _"Now I'll never get to tell Aqua that I was the one who grabbed her butt, and then blamed it on Terra!"_

"Give me the boy…"

"Remember not to lick doorknobs before you brush your teeth…"

"_I hope she won't slap me when she finds out…"_

Losing patience, Vanitas went for the kill. "BEHOLD! NOW, OUR MOMENT IS HERE!" Without hesitation, he thrust his fist into Ventus' stomach. At once, Ven's ice-ridden body was restored to normal. But this fact was bittersweet; at that moment, a bright light shone out of Ven's eyes, mouth and stomach, and eventually consumed his entire body, obscuring everything from sight….

The scenery had now changed. Aqua and Jeff Bridges were gone, and the Keyblade Graveyard was no longer around as well. Instead, the sky was pitch black, and the only inanimate object around was a giant tower with a mural painted on it. The mural looked like Ventus and Vanitas; the former was sleeping while chewing a hot dog in his mouth, while the latter was sucking on his thumb with his right hand, and his left was scratching his you-know-what.

Somewhere in the sky, the lifeless body of Ventus was floating down to the tower. Eventually, Ven's eyes opened, and he landed to the ground on his feet, without any problems at all.

"You know, it's not very polite to touch a woman where she doesn't want to be touched…"

Furious, Ven glanced up to see Vanitas floating down to the ground, until he was standing opposite himself.

"How the hell do you know about that?"

Vanitas chuckled. "You haven't figured it out yet? Fine then; I'll break it down for you. We have become one, Ventus. We have fused together as one being, so your thoughts become my thoughts, and my thoughts become yours!"

Ven shook his head. "You wouldn't tell her! I'll do it myself!"

"Please, like you have a choice. You're nothing now; just a small part of my heart now. We share you body, but my thoughts are mine and mine alone! And now I'm gonna tell your girlfriend that you groped her! And then your life will never be the same again! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Ven raised an eyebrow."That's it?"

Vanitas stopped laughing and stared at Ventus. "What?"

"You've taken my body, stripped me of my own free will, and your plan to destroy my life…is to tell on me?"

Vanitas looked flustered. "I don't understand!"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU HAVE MY BODY, AND YOU'RE USING IT TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE AN IMMATURE PERVERT INSTEAD OF A TYRANNNICAL MONSTER BENT ON TAKING OVER THE WORLDS!"

"Oh, that's true, you're right!" Vanitas agreed. "But it doesn't matter. The worlds are already doomed. Do you know what I hold in my hand?" And he held up his right hand, showing Ventus what it held.

Ventus scratched his forehead. "Your…Keyblade?"

"Not just any Keyblade! It's a X-Blade! That's right; this is the powerful weapon which has the power to unlock Kingdom-HUH?" Vanitas looked closer at his Keyblade. It wasn't the X-Blade at all: it was his own Keyblade.

"But, but, but…that doesn't make any sense! I thought when I fused with you, that I would gain the X-Blade without any problems at all! Who is responsible for this?"

"Is this what you're looking for?" Ventus raised his hand, and all of sudden, the legendary X-Blade emerged in his hand. As an added bonus, it was in its complete form, signifying the fusion was complete, and Ventus was in complete control of his completed heart at last.

Vanitas growled. "No! I won't be defeated by some perverted little idiot, even if he does have the X-Blade! NYAHH!" And with that, he charged at Ventus, Keyblade held high. Without even looking, he slashed up a frenzy, moving his Keyblade so fast that even Goku couldn't see what was happening if he wanted to.

After his attack, Vanitas sank to the ground, happy with his handiwork. He knew that no one was that fast to avoid an attack like that.

"I thought you'd be better than that, Vanitas."

Just then, Ventus appeared in front of the kneeling boy, without a single scratch on him. Suddenly, without warning, he struck Vanitas across the face, shattering his helmet and busting his brains out.

The blood-stained head of Vanitas fell off his head and next to his headless body. Ven looked closer and saw that Vanitas' face closely resembled Justin Bieber's face. Ven could only imagine why…

_Elsewhere, in Destiny Islands_

"Baby, baby, baby, ohh! Baby,baby,baby, noo!" A four-year-old Sora was jumping up and down on his bed, playing Justin Bieber's "Baby" on iTunes and singing along.

Outside Sora's house, Riku shook his head. "I swear, something's not right with that kid." As he left to go home, he reflected a bit. "Oh well. It's not like this'll affect anyone else in some weird and unforeseen way…"

"Thought'd you always be m-ine, m-ine!"

_Meanwhile…_

"ARGHHH! Die, Justin Bieber!" With that, Ventus poceeded to stab the lifeless pop star's head until his own arms fell off his body…

Everything was fine. Everything was in order. Everything was…birth by sleep.

(At the cost of Vanita's head, Sora's dignity and Ven's sanity.)


	3. Aqua

How Birth By Sleep Should Have Ended

**Aqua:**

When the light subsided, Aqua opened her eyes. Vanitas was gone, and Ventus was no longer encased in ice. Jeff Bridges was staring at her intently.

Aqua raised an eyebrow, but the old man did not avert his eyes. Shaking her head, she looked down at the sleeping boy. Without thinking, she kissed him on the forehead.

"It's going to be okay, Ven. You're safe now…" Though nobody else knew it, she was secretly in love with Ventus. But she had been too embarrassed to say anything. She didn't even know if Ven loved her back or not. All she knew was that if she couldn't have him, then nothing meant-

"Aww, how sweet!" Jeff cooed.

Blushing a dark red, Aqua angrily glared at Jeff. "What the hell are you still doing here?"

The actor shrugged. "Sorry, little lady, but Vanitas told me to stay here and make sure you don't try and mess up his plans." Suddenly, something stranged happened. Jeff snapped his fingers, and within seconds, was covered in a thick cloud of white smoke, obscuring himself from Aqua.

Coughing, Aqua covered her mouth, dropping Ventus in order to do it. When the smoke vanished, Aqua opened her eyes once more. However, once they came into focus, she wished she had left them shut.

Jeff was now dressed as his character from True Grit, complete with his cowboy suit, bad hygene and poor skills in the English language.

"Where is no QUARK in my BEND IT!" Jeff slurred. "Them boys, makin me hard on again!"

Aqua's mouth dropped. "What…" Words could not express the horror that stood before her.

"Grr…MY JINX IS OCCUPIED!" ERE'S MY GOGGLE!" He pulled out his guns and fired.

"Ahhh!" Aqua screamed. The bullet had pierced her leg, and she sank to the ground, wincing in pain. "Goddamn it!" Blood started to seep through her thighs, and she started to feel light-headed.

"How…how is his bullet so powerful?"

SMACK!

Jeff punched her in the face, knocking her three feet away, until she crashed into a nearby rock. Once the dust settled, Jeff started to slowly walk towards the defenseless girl, happy that he was winning.

"Lut's zat? YROFKR SRHG NODLE DHEERF?" By this point, it was impossible to understand anything Jeff was saying, but one could assume that he was trying to say "What's that? YOU'RE STILL NOT DEAD?" Aiming at Aqua's chest, he prepared to load up his gun…

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Instantly, a bullet of light struck Jeff Bridges from behind. The blast was so powerful that it consumed the entire body of that man. In fact, it was even able to turn into a pillar that could rise up to fifty feet in the air. That way, if someone was making a powerful weapon that would mean the end of the universe, they would probably mistake the huge blast of light as proof that it had been completed!

_Flashback_

_All of a sudden, they heard a loud noise behind them that sounded like an explosion. It was so powerful that it shook both Terra and Xehanort, and for a moment, there was a flash of blinding light. Master Xehanort gasped when he saw was in front of him._

_"There, you see?" He pointed at Terra. Confused, the young Keyblade Master looked to where Xehanort was pointing and widened his eyes at what he saw. "The X-Blade has been forged!"_

_Terra raised an eyebrow, for he had clearly seen something different. "Um, about that-"_

_What Terra saw was an old geezer getting sprung into the air. He was consumed by a pillar of light that seemed to rise up high into the sky, to where Kingdom Hearts was floating above them. The man was at the very top of the pillar within milliseconds, screaming, "I LOVE YOU, PHILLIP MORRIS!"…_

_For that one split second, Terra thought to himself, _"**That** was Xehanort's ultimate plan?"

_End Flashback_

Eventually, Jeff landed back on the ground, standing at the same place he was before the pillar of light had blasted him into the sky. The only difference was that a huge hole was in his stomach, and everything that he had eaten today was gone forever. "I'll miss you, Big Mac! I loved you so!" Apparently, the blast was so powerful that it had returned Jeff's speech to normal.

For ten seconds, Jeff stood there dumbstruck, unable to comprehend what all had just happened. But he managed to utter one last sentence: "Agatha, I …I stole your toothbrush." And with that, the legendary actor breathed his final breath, and collapsed to the cold, hard ground below.

Aqua's eyes widened when she saw who had saved her…

"VENTUS!"

Indeed, the pure, innocent(?) form of Ventus was standing before his beloved, holding the completed X-Blade in his left hand.

"HEAL!" Ven exclaimed. A green burst of energy was emitted from his blade, and Aqua was healed in seconds. Running over to the boy, she gave him a big hug.

"Oh Ventus, you were so brave!" Tears started flowing from her face. "You were my hero, my prince in shining armor, my-"

"Bo-ring! Where's Terra? I'm starving!" Ven brushed Aqua aside, and started running towards the big rock where Terra had flown to.

Aqua stood there in shock over what had just happened. "How could he? How could he just…toss me away like that. Even after all we've been through?"

Clenching her fist, she summoned her Keyblade and ran after the jerk she loved with all her heart, ready to cut him a new one and rip his head off…

* * *

At the top of the cliff, Terra was still lying down on the cold, hard rock. He was texting his friend Janet.

"Hey babe," he texted. "Just killed a crazy man! Want 2 hang out this Fri? LOL! Just kidding, you suck!"

Putting his phone aside, Terra kept looking at the masterpiece that was Kingdom Hearts, admiring its large mass and its unique shape, and its blue color, and its divine majesty…

"Oh, Kingdom Hearts, I understand what Xehanort wanted you so. When I look at you, I feel at peace with the world, and my heart just seems to scream out. Sometimes I feel like you're the only one who understands me, unlike those morons Aqua and Ven! They're always dreaming of making out with each other, and they never listen to me!"

Terra started to grin wickedly. "Maybe Xehanort wasn't crazy after all. Maybe **I **should try and claim Kingdom Hearts for myself! Maybe **I **should take over the**-"**

"TERRA!"

"What? Where? Who?" Terra panicked and started scrambling around. When he looked up, he saw Ven looking over him.

"Terra, you're okay!" Ven cheered.

"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm alright!" Terra nodded. Slowly, he started to stand up. The moment he was on his own two feet, Ven hugged him.

Or, more accurately, he glomped him. This is a million times weirder.

"Terra, I'm so glad you're okay! I had the worst nightmare! I was in this graveyard, and there was this really bad man, and then there was lightning storm, and then there were even more bad men, and then I was frozen, and then Vanitas showed up, and then I remembered I touched Aqua's butt, and then there were even more bad men-"

Terra slapped him across the face. "Get ahold of yourself, man!" Turning his back, he thought about this. "If what you're saying is true…then I still don't care…Wait a minute. YOU TOUCHED AQUA'S BUTT!"

Ven nodded. "Uh-huh, but it was a long time ago, and I don't think-"

But he was greeted by another smack to the face, this time by Terra's Keyblade Chaos Ripper. "You idiot! I had to wash Aqua's pet gerbil's tank for a week, AND she filed a one month restraining order against me, you little pervert!"

"I'm SORRY! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

SMACK!

This time, Ven was spanked, leaving his bottom really sore. This time, it was by another Keyblade, this one belonging to Aqua. Her face was bright red, and veins were popping out of her forehead.

"I'll give you five seconds to run!"

Ven gulped. "AHHHHHHHH!" In two seconds, Ven was on the other edge of the cliff, running for his life. Aqua kept blasting Ven's bottom with various painful spells, and Terra was left in moral conflict over whether to intervene or not.

Everything was nothing. Everything was random. Everything was…birth by sleep.

(At the cost of Ven's butt, Aqua's heart, and Terra's brain)


End file.
